I still love adoption

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The past few years, adoption has done its best to kick me in the teeth. It has been the harder than I ever could have imagined or than I ever could explain to anyone in words. The only people that could possibly understand are those who have walked the road of parenting older adopted children who suffer from attachment and trauma disorders.

I still read a fair bit about adoption and try to keep on top of what is happening in the adoption world and when I hear about another corrupt adoption agency being exposed or about unethical adoption practises or about a hurting adoptive family trying to access help and services for their child and running into roadblocks, I want to cry.

I still love adoption...

Even after a failed foster adoption that ripped my heart out, I still love adoption.

Even after incurring massive debt for our international adoption after our adoption agency went bankrupt due to alleged corruption, I still love adoption.

Even after enduring the rude and sometimes even cruel comments from others, I still love adoption.

Even after holding my sweet children as they grieve for their first mothers, I still love adoption.

Even after two years of intensive therapy with our daughter who has Reactive Attachment Disorder and PTSD, I still love adoption.

Even though adoption has done its best to make me cry “uncle”, I still love adoption. I do not love the corruption. I do not love the loss. I do not love the high costs, both financially and emotionally. I do not love the pain. I do not love the hurt. But I do love my kids and I do love adoption.

I rejoiced this past weekend as friends of ours brought home a new son and delighted in the news that they are now a family of 4. A baby who needed a family now had a family who needed him too. It is beautiful. Truly miraculous.

I listen as my son tells me about his hopes and dreams, dreams that he could not have conceived of back in an orphanage in Ethiopia and I am amazed at how far he has come.

Adoption is complex and it is hard, but it is worthwhile.

Trusting Grandma

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author: Marcy Payne

She was five days old when we got the call that she had been born. After a brief run-down of her medical history we were asked if we would be Belle’s parents. Her Birth Mother had chosen us as the ones she wanted as her baby’s parents but, because she had given birth before she could tell the Social Worker, we weren’t notified until our daughter had been born and in the hospital for the subsequent days.

Birth Mom had left the hospital when Belle was just a day old. I am fairly certain this was not an easy thing for her to do, but I have always wondered how she could just leave her baby all alone with only the busy nurses to hold her every once in a while.

We have never met her, but we have met her parents. We call them Grandma and Grandpa C. Her parents are dear people who love our Belle and are eager to hear from us and get the pictures we send. For nine years, I have always sent the pictures and letters to their home and know that they will get to the right place. Often, I have stated that we would love to hear from Birth Mom but have never gotten anything from her. Grandma C does tell us every year that her daughter appreciates seeing Belle grow up through pictures.

A couple of years ago, Grandma C asked if it would be ok if Birth Mom could email us. I told her that it would be fine but that she would have to communicate with me instead of Belle for now. I wanted to filter anything that could be troubling for Belle. We never heard from her. I admit I was nervous about how it would go, but I was willing to take a chance.

This year, I was very late in sending pictures and a letter. Grandma called me and asked how we were. She mentioned that she would love some pictures if we could send some. I told her how sorry I was that I had not done that yet. This was an indicator to me how important it was for me to get pictures and letters to all of our birth families. I asked her if Birth Mom would like to email at all, since it had been mentioned previously. She told me that it was probably not a good time in her life to be in contact. I sensed sadness and acceptance in her voice. I told her that I trusted that she would know when the time was right and let me know if anything changed. Unfortunately, a history instability and substance use was still an issue.

Belle is getting more curious about her origins, especially knowing that there is a full biological sibling still with Birth Mom. What a complicated thing for a child to process! I am so very thankful that we have an open relationship with the Grandparents though. We couldn’t have asked for nicer people to be in contact with. I answer the questions that I can and tell her that we can ask Grandma C if she would like to have more answers. This year, Belle sent a picture that she had drawn, to her Birth Mom.

Someday, I am sure we will wade through reunion and contact and I am fairly certain that it will be a bumpy road. With contact already established with Grandma and Grandpa C, it will not be as awkward as I know some reunions can be. I just pray that I will “let go” when I need to and know when that time is right to establish a connection that could be tumultuous.

Marcia is a stay-at-home mom and pastor’s wife, who rarely stays home and doesn’t act at all like a pastor’s wife. She and her husband, Richard, are blessed to parent four children, all of whom came through the miracle of adoption. Two were adopted through private domestic adoption and two through the Foster-to-Adopt program with the Alberta Government. Marcia likes to blog about their life adventures at Love my Life and The Irreverent Reverend’s Wife. She is an aspiring writer and speaker. Marcia is a regular contributor to Adoption Magazine.

The Promise Box Giveaway

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I received this book for no cost in order to complete a review. All opinions are completely my own.

The Promise Box Giveaway on Adoption MagazineThe Promise Box is a novel that takes place in an Amish community in Montana. I did a full review of the book over on my family blog The Chaos and The Clutter (and am giving away four copies over there if you would like to increase your odds and enter over there as well) but I thought my readers over here might be interested in this book as well because it has an adoption subplot so I am giving away one copy over here.

I liked how the book tackled some of the more difficult aspects of adoption such as secrecy and the pain it causes, searching, reunion, and painful truths. Tricia Goyer (the author of The Promise Box) is an adoptive parent herself and I feel that she handled the hard issues well. I enjoyed the book immensely.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

No purchase is necessary to enter or win. Facebook is in no way affiliated with this giveaway. By entering this contest, you agree to not hold Facebook responsible. The winner will be notified by email within 24 hours of the giveaway’s closing and must reply within 48 hours or another winner will be selected.

Happy Birthday Dave Thomas!

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Happy Birthday Dave Thomas

July 2 is Dave Thomas’ birthday. He passed away in 2002 but his legacy continues to impact children and families because of his work to shine a spotlight on adoption from foster care. Dave Thomas was the founder of Wendy’s and had been adopted himself when he was just 6 months old.

He established the Dave Thomas Foundation in 1992 which promotes adoption in Canada and the United States. Dave spoke to Congress about adoption tax credits and adoption legislation and created public awareness campaigns. His vision was to ensure that every child had a safe and loving family.

The Dave Thomas Foundation continues to provide information, resources, public services announcements, adoption grants, and awareness campaigns. They began the Adoption Friendly Workplace and each year, their television special A Home for the Holidays shines a spotlight on kids who are waiting in foster care and has been responsible for finding homes for children who would otherwise likely never have had a permanent family.

Today, we celebrate the life of a man who has forever changed the world of adoption and has impacted many lives. Happy Birthday Dave Thomas!

Veronica Rose Supreme Court Decision

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I will post more specifics later but I know there are people who have been watching this case very closely and I wanted to let you know that a decision in the Veronica Rose case has been handed down by the Supreme Court in favour of the adoptive parents. You can read the specifics here.

I know that this has been a very heated and controversial case and that emotions are high on all sides so I will not be publishing any of the comments on this post. I ask that you join me in praying for Veronica and ALL of her family…that includes her biological family and her adoptive family. Veronica will have a big transition ahead of her and it will not be easy so I ask for your sensitivity and for your prayers for her.