Clever Cleavage – Adoptive Breastfeeding

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April 5, 2012 By 5 Comments

author:  Jamie 

I’d like everyone to meet Jenny! She is a rock star in the breastfeeding world!

1. Tell us about your personal breastfeeding experience with your children:

My daughter joined our family via adoption when she was 10 months old. I had followed the Newman-Goldfarb Protocols for Induced Lactation (www.asklenore.info/breastfeeding/induced_lactation/gn_protocols.shtml) for the previous 12 months so that I’d be able to breastfeed her. I amazed both my husband and myself when I was able to bring in a significant milk supply by the time we traveled to Ethiopia to pick her up. I knew at 10 months old, there was a chance she would not accept nursing at the breast. In fact, she didn’t. My daughter had been bottle fed since birth and quite possibly had never seen a breast in her life. She regarded mine as if they were alien beings and wanted nothing to do with them. But boy did she love her momma’s milk from a bottle! So for many many months I pumped around the clock and fed her my milk from a bottle, then later in a sippy cup. To make a long story short, just after she turned two years old, and just when I’d about had it with pumping and was considering stopping, my daughter decided to latch to the breast. It took about 3 weeks for us to learn to nurse comfortably and regularly. Now we are nursing pros. Even though my daughter had already been home with us for over a year when she started nursing, it has still been a wonderful part of our bonding and attachment to each other. There is a mutual vulnerability and respect when she nurses. And there’s a one-of-a-kind connection that we both recognize. It’s beautiful.

2. What is your view of breastfeeding in public, and why?

(A quick word about breastfeeding in Italy, which is where I live. People here couldn’t care less where I feed my daughter. I love it! If they see us they look, notice, smile, acknowledge and move on. It’s just considered a natural beautiful thing and not indecent in the least. Living here, it’s become very clear to me how hung up the American society is about breastfeeding in public.)

Breastfeeding in public: As a lactation consultant I have always encouraged moms in this area. I had to put my own courage to the test when my two year old finally started nursing. I chose my “first time” carefully. We went to a park on the military base where I work. Ha! Lucky for me it was deserted. We sat down on a bench in the middle of the playground and I nursed my toddler. We saw only one person the entire time my daughter nursed. I don’t think the person was even close enough to realize what we were doing. Still, it was a bit nerve-wracking and I spent the time furtively looking around, checking for observers. Since then we have nursed at the pool, the park, the food court, restaurants, shopping centers and my office at work. My view is, my daughter deserves this milk, it’s not at all about me and my comfort level. That attitute got me over any public shyness very quickly. When nursing around Americans I do try a little harder to be discreet than when I nurse around Italians or other Europeans. And if I do feel a bit uncomfortable, I just look at my daughter and ignore what’s going on around me. But you know, one thing I’ve noticed is I have NOT gotten any odd looks or comments from anyone, even on base. I know Europe is breastfeeding friendly in general, but who would have imagined a military base could be? How cool.

3. What is your view of sustained breastfeeding, and why?

There is a great fact sheet on Extended Breastfeeding at Kelly Mom (http://www.kellymom.com/store/freehandouts/extended_bf_factsheet.pdf). It lists several benefits of sustained breastfeeding to both mother and child. The most impressive benefits in my opinion are the nutritional and immunoprotective. Did you know that a nursing toddler can get about 1/3 of her daily calories from breast milk? Isn’t it interesting that non-nursing toddlers get sick more often and their illnesses last longer than nursing toddlers? I also really like the practice of allowing the child to decide when to wean. So much of nursing my daughter is about her comfort and security. As her mother it comes naturally to provide her as much of that as she needs. So you can guess by now that I am in favor of sustained breastfeeding. Actually, I should say I am in favor of child-led weaning, at whatever age the child is when s/he decides to end nursing. No age limit.

4. What is your view of adoptive breastfeeding, and why?

Adoptive breastfeeding amazes me. Physiologically I think it is literally incredible that a woman who has never even been pregnant is able to bring in a full milk supply in order to nurse an adopted infant or child. It’s also evidence of the immense well of love, adoration, determination, empathy, and respect that a mother has in regard to her children. It comes from the deepest mothering instinct a woman can have – to protect and nourish a vulnerable young one. You know how touching those photos are of a mother dog who adopts and nurses an orphaned kitten? Or the story of the 130 year old giant tortoise in Kenya that adopted the baby hippo in the aftermath of the 2004 tsunami (www.owenandmzee.com)? Those stories are so moving because they underscore one of our greatest fears, being alone with noone to love and care for us, and illustrate the mutual joy of adoption. While adoptive breastfeeding is a phenomenon most Americans are surprised to learn of, many many adoptive mothers have discovered the healing and bonding powers of their breastfeeding relationships with their children.

5.Is there anything you find unique about your breastfeeding story with your children?

Each mother and child’s breastfeeding story is personal and unique. :-)

6. Is there anything you wish you did different?

Nope! My daughter learned to nurse on her own time, when she was ready, and she’ll continue to nurse as long as she wants to. This experience has been incredible for our whole family, even my husband and teenaged stepson. My stepson is learning what breasts are really for, that it’s natural and normal to nurse your baby/child. What a healthy thing for a teenaged boy to learn! Breastfeeding is so special to my daughter that she often wants to share her milk with her other parent, her dad. She’ll point to my other breast while nursing, wanting her dad to nurse too (no,we don’t do that, but we think it’s so sweet of her to offer!). Or, she’ll want her dad or brother to sit right next to her while she nurses so she can put her arm around his neck or play with his hair. There are so many awesome things about my daughter breastfeeding. At the very least this has been a wonderful bonding experience for all of us, we wouldn’t change a thing!

7. Is there anything you would like to add?

I am a wife, mom, nurse and internationally certified lacation consultant. I live and work at a US military base in Italy. My daughter is featured on my public blog at www.mygirlscurls.blogspot.com.

 

This interview was conducted by Jamie.  Jamie is a wife and mother by way of birth and adoption. Jamie is a lactation consultant and advocate of adoptive breastfeeding. She is founder of the Fayye Foundation, dedicated to family preservation and lowering maternal mortality rates in Ethiopia. Jamie currently blogs at iamnotthebabysitter.com and also co-authors Mommyhateschemicals.com - a product review blog. If you would like to be a featured “Clever Cleavage” mom, please e-mail jamieATiamnotthebabysitterDOTcom.

Filed Under: Adoptive Breastfeeding

Adoptive Breastfeeding – Our Story

(This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, see my disclosure policy.)

November 4, 2011 By 1 Comment

author:  Denise

I recall the first time I talked to my sister after giving birth to our son.  She was in Australia, I was sitting at home on my bed, breastfeeding. I remember saying to her “Can you believe I’m breastfeeding a baby?!” and it kind of freaked me out, but I loved it. It was a time of closeness and bonding for me and this new little life. It was relaxing, and I really enjoyed that, for the first time in my life I could wear a larger bra size than A!  My son nursed for longer than most people are comfortable hearing. He was 2 years, 8 months old when he weaned.  
When we felt led to adopt a newborn, the idea of adoptive breastfeeding was very intriguing to me. So I did what I always do when I’m interested in a topic – I researched it to death. I joined an adoptivebreastfeeding yahoo group, read Dr. Newman’s protocols, and made an appointment with my Doctor to get a prescription for the drug I would need.
I also ordered a Lact-Aid to supplement with formula in case our daughter wasn’t getting enough milk from me alone.
Our dream of all dreams came true when we were told our daughter’s birth mother was going to be induced – and would we like to be present for her birth? Of course! I was excited to one day be able to tell my daughter that I was with her from the first moment she drew breath – but the miracle of being able to breastfeed her so soon out of the womb was astonishing.
Early on in my research, I had decided against the tyranny of the breast pump. Some mothers said that they would wake up every 3 – 4 hours at night to pump – in hopes of having enough milk when a baby joined their family. Months later, they might have been disappointed by not having a match yet, or even having matches with birth moms fall through. In that case, the full breasts were just a cruel reminder of their empty arms. I knew myself too well. I couldn’t handle the stress of being matched with our second birth mom (first one chose to parent) with the very real chance of this mom changing her mind as well. To be sleep deprived before my baby even arrived home in order to have produced milk that she might or might not take to. I only took the Domperidone pills (Domperidone is considered safe for mom and baby for acid reflux – a common side effect is that it causes lactation).  I started at only about 1/4 of the maximum dosage, then slowly building up to about half when we knew the baby’s due date. I was able to express a few drops of milk only 5-7 days after I began taking the drug.
Our daughter was born as scheduled; I was present with her from her first breaths. I cut her umbilical cord… and a short while later, birth mom agreed to let me breast feed her. I wasn’t sure that I had enough milk to satisfy her completely – but she spit up a little bit of milk a short while after I nursed her, so I knew she got something! It was an exhilarating moment. 
The nurses at the hospital didn’t know what to do with me. They had never had an adoptive breastfeeding mother there before. One nurse said something about “when your colostrum comes in…” but I knew I wouldn’t have any colostrum. I was afraid to give our daughter too much formula from a bottle (nipple confusion?), but even more afraid that she wasn’t going to get enough nutrition from me. God sent us an angel nurse. She normally worked at a different hospital and “just happened” to be on call at this hospital on this particular night. When she found out what I was doing, she told me that she “just happened” to have another type of nursing suplimentor in her bag that I could use (SNS) and helped me to get her latched.
It was still a struggle for a few weeks. I would breastfeed her first, and when I could tell my milk was dry, I would turn on the supplimentor for her to fill up with formula. It was frustrating to get the supplimentor positioned correctly, so sometimes it would take us multiple tries for her to get the milk. She would cry and get frustrated, I would cry and feel badly and wonder if I shouldn’t just give up. A friend encouraged me to give it 6 weeks. After 6 weeks, she assured me, it would get easier. I persevered, and it did get easier -much easier. A few weeks later, I was taking up to 12 pills of Domperidon a day, and soon had enough milk that if I missed a night feed, I would wake up a few hours later in pain needing to nurse her… which was amazing!
When my daughter was about 8 weeks old, she refused the supplimentor. She would gag and fuss and refuse the breast when it was on there. So, we switched up our routine. I would always breastfeed her first, then she could top up with a bottle (as she grew older we discovered she has a very sensitive gag reflex so I’m glad I didn’t try to force her to continue with the supplimentor). And she did this faithfully. She also enjoyed breastfeeding so much, that I rarely had a battle with her about wanting the bottle only. Every 3-6 months she would go on a nursing strike. I would grieve and prepare myself to wean her… and just as I was resigned, she would start up again with a vengeance.
She nursed until she was 2 years, 2 months old. And I count the battle, the constant remembering to take the pills three times per day, the uncertainty, the frustration and tears… all a privilege! 
One of the difficulties I personally encountered was that the drugs made me very constipated. It took about 6 months off the drugs for me to feel that I was back to normal. I also battled plugged milk ducts at least monthly if not more often. They were uncomfortable, but never persisted into something more serious. Overall those were, for me, a very small price to pay for such an amazing, bonding experience.
A common misconception is that you can only teach newborn children to nurse. In fact, there are many mothers who have taught older babies and even toddlers to breastfeed after coming home (check out http://www.nancymohrbacher.com/blog/2011/2/8/we-are-breastfeeding.html). It often takes immense patience and perseverance, but the reported benefits in attachment and mental healing are astounding. 
Resources:
Denise and her husband are blessed to be the parents of one son by birth, one daughter by adoption (USA – at birth), and a Haitian daughter they are anxiously waiting to bring home.

Filed Under: Adoptive Breastfeeding