Waiting

Time to Destination

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March 14, 2013 By sharla Leave a Comment

I was on an airplane earlier in the week and on the TV in the setback in front of me, it showed the “time to destination”. I imagine that one of the reasons the information was listed there was so that passengers could make an informed decision as to whether they should start watching a movie or not. Having this information would also be handy in deciding whether to nap or eat or to start wrapping up whatever project you were working on.

During the waiting stages in adoption, there is no countdown clock. Though we may know that every minute we get closer to the ultimate “destination”, there is no roadmap, no ability to foretell what the timeline will be.

It would be so much easier to be able to plan, to be able to make decisions about life, to know whether there is time to fit other major life decisions in if there were a set in stone timeline.

There is nothing that makes the wait in adoption any easier EXCEPT knowing what the ultimate destination will finally be: family.

Filed Under: Waiting

Urgent Longing

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August 21, 2012 By sharla Leave a Comment

The tug toward parenting that turns into a full blown obsession.

Not that very long ago, this was me. It’s been over ten years since our first wee babe came to us. Our wait had ended, our longing was satisfied. Seven years of disappointment, grief, intense times of prayer and heartache vanished in moments as we held this precious child. A piece of my heart, that died with our first son six years earlier, was reborn. Every moment that I had dreamt of what it would be like to be a mother, was obliterated with reality.

I had been broken. Lost. My faith stretched to the very limit. Then I realized that my life, my value was not dependent on whether I ever got to be a mother. I had spent many years begging God to make me one. I had spent endless days seeing everyone else become what I longed to be. I had seen them become mothers multiple times and even finish their families. And yet, my arms were barren. I knew, though, that He had a plan for me. I found hope again, whether or not I ever parented any children. I found renewed purpose and ministered with an open heart.

I know God is good and even has a sense of humour. As I observed myself surrounded by little faces all crying for attention I knew that He was smiling. In five years, I found myself mother to four amazing little ones. I looked around, tempted to shut my ears with my hands, and smiled down at them. At the same moment I was overwhelmed at their need and amused by God’s love and grace.

He answered my prayers all right. He knew what was coming and didn’t even warn me. He knew who I was waiting for even when I didn’t. I had considered that I may never become a mother and came to peace with it. Yet, here I was, wondering which child to give my attention to first.

That we were blessed with four miracle adoptions in five years still makes my heart swell.

And here we are again….with that longing…the obsession. Five years after our last baby girl came to us we start the process again and wonder…? What will His answer be this time?

Marcia is a stay-at-home mom and pastor’s wife, who rarely stays home and doesn’t act at all like a pastor’s wife. She and her husband, Richard, are blessed to parent four children, all of whom came through the miracle of adoption. Two were adopted through private domestic adoption and two through the Foster-to-Adopt program with the Alberta Government. They are considering adding another child to their family either through an International Waiting Child program or adopting a special needs child from their province. Marcia likes to blog about their life adventures at Love my Life and has started a blog to record their next adoption journey at Running to Eden. Marcia is a regular contributor to Adoption Magazine. Writing a book is her next venture, if she ever catches a break to finish it!

Filed Under: Adoption, Waiting

First Steps

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July 5, 2012 By sharla 1 Comment

author: Marcia

International Adoption? Foster-to-Adoption? Private Domestic Adoption?

So many options…and yet so few.

We are in deliberation, preparation, and praying mode for now. But we took a step this week that would be considered “foreplay”, if we were talking about the old fashioned way to have a baby.

We called the Social Worker in charge of adoption through the government. Our option for a domestic adoption is Foster-to-Adopt. That’s it. Since we truly want a younger child (preferably a baby), and that’s the only way to go, that is our only option. We know that this road is fraught with difficulty, paperwork, dealing with possibly inexperienced Social Workers (and that is one of the more difficult parts), having children here possibly short-term as you NEVER know with fostering. Yes, they would look at us from an adoption perspective, but with this program you are a foster parent first. The bonus is that we would possibly be placed with a baby (with some medical needs or drug exposure) that would otherwise be bopped around from foster home to foster home or wait in one foster home to become legally adoptable and then transition to another forever home. This way, a baby could come here and be our foster child until they are legally free and they would be here from early on (that’s our hope) like our other two babies (the last two).

My heart yearns to do an International Adoption in some ways and in others, I know that to do a domestic adoption is just as “good”. Either way, we expand our family. Either way we open our home to a baby that needs a loving place to call family forever. Either way is going to be HARD.

A few months ago, I was calling out to God, praying that if it were His will that my husband’s heart would be open. My heart broke and yearned to have another baby. My head told me it was impossible for so many reasons. My heart and spirit still cried out. Then my husband opened his heart. His heart and spirit started yearning to have another child. And my prayer was answered. Our heads know that people will think we are crazy. They will say ,“Don’t you have enough?” “Are you sure you are healthy enough for this?” “I think you should not have any more children” “Aren’t you too old for this?” “Can you afford this?” On and on the comments, thoughts or questions will go.

I am ready. I am expecting some really rude/insensitive queries and comments. I am actually praying that the people who may say/think we are crazy and shouldn’t do this will instead be supportive and thrilled for another family member/friend/child. That is my current prayer.

When we were praying about our fourth child we had some very hurtful things said to us. From family. It hurt a lot. I have forgiven and gone on. Those members love our fourth sweetie as much as anyone now. They may not even remember what they said. I hope they hold their tongues this time.

While the road ahead is unknown and we seek God’s guidance every step of our way, we know that God will send what we need when we need it.

The whole thing seems so unrealistic and surreal at this point. But God is the God who does the impossible and the surreal. I can’t wait to see what happens!! The anticipation I am feeling already is like I just did a pregnancy test and I’m waiting to see the little line appear!

Filed Under: Foster-to-Adopt, Waiting

To Giselle on Her 2nd Birthday

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April 2, 2012 By sharla Leave a Comment

author: Denise

Hey there, my beautiful little girl.

You are turning two years old today. I wonder if anyone will remember to say Happy Birthday to you? Of course you don’t know what it means, but it seems just a bit sad that the miraculous day you were born might not be celebrated there today.

Today you have two mothers thinking about your day. One mother birthed you in her earthen floor hut. She will remember the pain, perhaps the fear. She will remember breastfeeding you for the first time. Your tiny little hands and feet – all 10 perfect fingers and toes. She will probably remember how you cried and gave her sleepless nights. While I envy her those early memories, I am so glad she has them. That she has a piece of you that no one else in the entire world will ever have. They are her treasures.

This mother has a few short visits to remember you by. How amazed Rachel was that you let me hold you so long the very first time I saw you. How you stuck to me like glue – absorbing every ounce of love I was humanly able to pour into you – and hopefully a whole lot of Jesus – love as well. How on other visits, you would confuse me, delight me, inspire me to think that I really could be a mother worthy of such a precious little bundle.

While I am sad to miss your birthday. While I am grieving not being able to spend it with you here, in our home – with your family… I am also excited. Because I really, really hope and think that you will be home in your second year of life. And now that you are 2, we are just that much closer to having you here!

We all love you so much, and are so looking forward to the journey of really knowing you. To discover the real Giselle. The one we will meet when you are confident and know you are wholly loved by us all.

Happy Birthday Giselle! Hopefully your second year of life will be your best year yet, and the beginnings of many wonderful years to come. May Jesus fill you with His love, may you sense His passion for you, and know you are worthy of such great love. May you know that you were meant for more than life in an orphanage, and that it will only be confirmed when you are finally in our arms for good.

Denise and her husband are blessed to be the parents of one son by birth, one daughter by adoption (USA – at birth), and a Haitian daughter they are anxiously waiting to bring home. Denise is a regular contributor at Adoption Magazine and blogs at Pressing In.

Filed Under: Adoption, Waiting

Adoption: The Wait

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March 16, 2012 By sharla Leave a Comment

By: Delana H. Stewart

Ever feel like the adoption process will never end? Or, perhaps you are just beginning your journey and you hope that your adoption will happen faster than the usual! Those are both very normal thoughts to experience.

Whether your time of waiting is long or short, you may experience these (or similar) questions, thoughts, feelings:

How long will we have to wait? We want to be parents today.
Are we getting too old?
What if we get pregnant at the same time we complete the adoption process?
Are we working with the right agency? Should we be using an agency?
Maybe we should just give up.
What if our parents or extended family never accept the idea of adoption (or trans-racial adoption)?
Should we broaden the age range (or special need) of child we will consider?

These thoughts and many more might sail through your mind from time to time. It is completely normal to have up days and down days. Maybe there are not hormones wreaking havoc on your body, but I found the adoption process to create emotional tides similar to pregnancy. Okay, so the emotions and thoughts and questions are normal. Now what?

Here are some very practical things you can do to help maintain your peace of mind during the wait.

If you are not already a daily journal writer, purchase a blank lined journal and begin writing in it once a week. Try to set aside the same time and day each week to devote to thinking about adoption and writing down your thoughts. Blogging is not the same. Journal your questions, fears, hopes, favorite quotes, etc.
If you already do journal daily, buy a separate journal to use once a week. On that day each week, write a letter to your child. Maybe you don’t yet know gender or age or nationality, but perhaps you do. Begin by introducing yourself, your hobbies, likes, dislikes. As you write further letters, tell about how you and your husband met, how and where you grew up, and other significant moments in your life.
Read one book after another. Alternate between books that teach you about parenting in general, parenting an adopted child, and books that tell others’ adoption journeys. Their stories will help you process your thoughts and help prepare you. Some of us need more preparation than others (and that doesn’t necessarily mean we need to learn more about parenting, but perhaps to learn more about the needs and issues our child will face). My favorite parenting books are: Parenting with Love and Logic, Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child, and Our Own: Adopting and Parenting the Older Child (and this has insights all adoptive parents will benefit from, not just those adopting children two and older). If you want encouragement from someone who waited a really long time, check out my book Nine Year Pregnancy.

Delana Stewart is a guest blogger for The Adoption Magazine. Currently living in Houston, TX, USA, she is the mother of four – three biological sons who are in university and an eleven-year-old daughter whom she and her husband James adopted in 2007. Delana is a writer, and she manages The Education Café. She recently published her first book Nine Year Pregnancy: Waiting on God—Our Journey of Adoption. She also blogs at: Delana’s World and at Nine Year Pregnancy.